I'm ready to be done. Or at least to have a break. I shouldn't even be typing this but after a couple of hours of studying today, I spent some time on Pinterest and then remembered that I severely neglect keeping up with this blog. This whole semester has been an emotional roller coaster, and it's only midterm. The only things keeping me sane at this point are the few friends I have left (nursing school sure puts a damper on a social life) and my boyfriend, who has been nothing but supportive and wonderful to me even through his own downward spiral of events occurring this past month.
Not to mention... long distance is crazy difficult. There is no book or blog or article I could read that could have prepared me to try to console a boy from 1300 miles away after his best friend passed unexpectedly. You'd think I'm decent at offering condolences because I work in healthcare... but this is not the case. I'm actually pretty crappy when crappy things happen. I don't know how to react. I had no idea what to say to the boy who started tearing up on Skype. Who then walked away from the screen, only to come back a few minutes later to play video games and occasionally throw out an "I love you" without really looking at me. I felt pretty darn helpless. If anyone knows anything about P, it's that he has a heart of gold, and it is so full and it is so big! It truly broke my heart to see him so down. For the rest of the week, every time we would Skype, it was as if I was speaking to a wall. I could see that all of the light was gone from his spirit. The boy who makes me laugh endlessly, who looks at me all the time as if he's falling in love over and over again, whose smile melts my heart constantly, was completely broken and I couldn't fix him. I tried to be patient and kind, and love him even more because maybe that would help him through the rough patch? His love language is words of affirmation, so I truly attempted to be as sweet as possible, despite being sleep deprived and moody myself. I feel like I halfway succeeded...
He's fairly back to his normal self, now that it's been a couple of weeks. He spent the last week caring for the dogs that belonged to his best friend and his wife. I mean, seriously! Heart of gold, that boy. How on Earth did I end up with someone like him? I'm the luckiest.
As far as nursing school goes... I have 209 days left and I'm beyond ready to be finished. It's a never-ending pile of paperwork and I was written up in the beginning of the semester for not sitting in my assigned seat. I KNOW. It's stupid. At this point I am literally doing my time so I can get on with my life and what really matters - nursing. As I thumb through the renal chapters of my med/surg book these days (figure of speech... I have online books), I daydream of mountains and crisp, fall air, orange, red, and yellow leaves, hot coffee, kayaks on a lake, hand-knitting cowl-neck scarves, hiking up to spectacular views, sunrises and sunsets, and snuggling up with both of my sweet guys. I can't wait for a life when I can blog about my favorite things, not about how much sleep I'm currently lacking, how much school is sucking, among other depressing topics.
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| a girl can dream... |
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| a sunrise that I captured on my last day of adult health clinical in Goldsboro |
I can't wait to be happy again.
